" Well, I was thinking, you know, umm, we might have time for a swim and a real workout. If we get snowed in that is," he said hopefully.I didn't want to burst his bubble completely, so I replied, "Maybe so, sweetie, but I think I'll be really busy catching up with old friends." He just shrugged a bit and said softly, "Well, it was just an idea."For some reason, just before we left, I crammed my skimpy pink and black workout clothes into the suitcase, just in case. I imagined Billy Hanlon or some other high school guy catching me on the treadmill in the gym at some point, wondering why he hadn't scooped me up years before. I was not bringing them for Tyler, I kept telling myself. The drive took just over an hour and a half, but seemed longer as we barely spoke most of the way. Pouring my thoughts into an e-mail, when I didn't have to see my son's face, was so much easier than trying to explain myself with his sitting aside me. I felt terrible, but hoped we'd find a way through things. That she would be leaving to go to school and that I was arranging for someone to care for her there. If she was apprehensive at all about my giving her into the long term care of another, she was careful not to let it show in any way. It made me think that much more of the responsibility I had taken on with her. That she would trust me enough to fly across the country and be at the whim of a total stranger simply because I told her to ... Was there anybody in my life I would trust like that? I doubted it. If Rebecca told me I could trust someone in another state I would be inclined to do so, but that would just be a professional setting, perhaps even working to keep me alive. That was nothing compared to what Amber was accepting. She would be trusting a total stranger as if they were me. If they walked her into a crowded dorm room and told her to strip, she would do it, trusting that person to protect her as I would; trusting them to not put her in that situation if they in fact.
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